Torn between the lines
by dragonsoulguardian
Summary: when he came back to hogwarts he'd expected some peace from the hurt, maybe even find peace in her what he didn't expect was to find her broken. Could he save her and then save himself? Slight AU please please review
1. Hate me for loving you

I've had this idea in my head for a few days and i feel like i need to get it down and let you all read it. I can't promise that its great and i can't promise that it's going to end up sweet and cuddly. I was listening to Blue October's song hate me and well it made sense in my head.

Anyway i leave it to you to tell me what you think, laugh about it, cry about it just tell me.

Disclaimer. I do not own any characters from jkr and i don't own any music in this.

PS. I recommend you listen to the song like i did while writing it.

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_I ha__ve to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head_

_They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed_

She sat in her room with her knees up to her chest. she couldn't stop crying. How could it have happened. She'd been at hogwarts for three months and she still couldn't get over it. The smell, the voices and worst the sight.

_Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone_

_Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home_

They knew, of course they knew but they couldn't understand. How could they? They couldn't save her from this and honestly she didn't want them to.

She put the bottle to her lips again and took another swing of the bitter alcohol. It was the honestly the only thing that blocked the voices, the images.

_There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain_

_An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again_?

They say that karma hits back ten times worse, she wondered if they were paying for what they'd done. Or maybe she was the one paying for something.

Her eyes were dull. Se wasn't the same girl she had once been and everyone noticed, even Malfoy.

_And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?_

_And will you never try to reach me?_

Seventh year and she was head girl. she should have been so happy at the beginning of the summer but she wasn't. She was actually very miserable about it. she had wanted it so bad but her spirit was so shot that it really didn't matter anymore.

_It is I that wanted space_

All she wanted to do was disappear. She couldn't though, they might have taken most of her but she would not deny her responsibilities.

_Hate me today_

_Hate me tomorrow_

_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

She was a good enough actress to pull of being normal but there was something missing.

A noise from her common room stirred her depressing thoughts, Malfoy. Why had Dumbledore made him head boy? He always had some girl or his body guards up here. Last year he was so involved in something that no one ever did figure out and now he was the new golden boy seeing as how Harry was so damn busy looking for those horaxus.

_Hate me in ways_

_Yeah ways hard to swallow_

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

In her drunken state she wasn't thinking clearly. sure she was pretty sure Malfoy was a death eater and maybe they were having meetings in his room but she didn't care, she was tired of having to hear them.

She got up staggering slightly and she put the bottle down on her desk, that was the only thing no one knew about. She wanted to keep it that way.

_I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with_

_The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again_

_In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night_

She got to the door wearing a tank top and a pair of old jeans, her hair was in a loose bun and she actually looked very nice without even trying. She'd changed so much over the summer.

Everyone had really noticed after Bill and Fleur's wedding. She'd worn that beautiful blue dress that went down to her knees, she'd been so happy then but that was before. Poor bill, he'd been scared so badly after an attack at the school but there was still no answer about what had really happened. they'd almost lost him and dumbledore but luckily no one had died.

_While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight_

_You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate_

_You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take_

"Malfoy!" She called out into the head's common room. Five people turned to look at her, she was right Malfoy had brought his little gang up. "What the hell did i tell you the last time? keep it down."

The boy, well man she was talking to stared at her with a blank expression. Draco Malfoy was well passed the faze of calling her mudblood and insulting her but he kept doing it for his own personal reasons.

_So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind_

_And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind_

"It's my commom room too Granger." She heard him say smoothly.

She walked into the room, her eyes were blood shot and it didn't escape anyone. Not even Crabbe and Goyle. And they were pretty thick.

"Crying again Granger?" Pansy taunted, "Did your boyfriend Weasley dump you again?"

_Hate me today_

No one in the room knew how it happened but one second Hermione was at her end of the room and the next Pansy was against the wall with Hermione's hand around her throat.

"What was that Parkinson?" She hissed, one thing alcohol did to Hermione was bring out the primal in her. No one, especially not Pansy was going to taunt her in the state she was in.

_Hate me tomorrow_

"N-nothing." she stammered but Hermione did not loosen her grip. The other people in the room just stared but then took a look at their leader as if asking what to do.

Draco had ordered the to back off Hermione, he didn't explain why. He didn't have to actually no one dared to ask. He was torn.

He knew he had to help Pansy but the other part of him thought she deserved it for disobeying him.

_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

"Granger put her down." He finally said in a firm voice. Hermione did not budge.

"Make me."She growled. Draco did not understand what was wrong with her. She wasn't the same girl that he'd known all these years. She was different. She didn't taunt back, she just took it most of the time and went on without a shred of emotion. the only time he saw anything remotely like a real human emotion was when she was in her room and would come out mad about the noise.

"Granger i told you already put her down." He looked at the other's and motioned for them to leave. They did so as quickly and as quietly as possible. No one dared ask questions to Draco anymore.

He walked over to where the two girls were and pulled granger off the slytherin. Hermione flinched at his touch and Pansy ran out the room into the corridors without a single word.

_Hate me in ways_

"Don't touch me." she said with a tremble. Draco was confused. He was done playing this game that was for sure. He'd had a rough summer and he'd come back here hoping for peace instead the one person he thought would always remain sane was completely and utterly changed. For the worse.

"what is it Granger?" He asked quietly. He liked her, there was no getting around it. he'd realised it after he'd gone back home for the summer. He'd been punished for not doing the task he'd been asked and he'd had a lot of time to think things over.

She was the woman he wanted, to have, own, possess and most importantly love. strange how near death experiences can change you.

"It's not your concern." She said and strode back towards her room. He was quick on her heels though. This wasn't going to go away. the gryffindor princess had soemthing to hide.

_Yeah ways hard to swallow_

As she made it to the door she pushed it with a lot of force but Draco caught it before it closed. she didn't realize and went straight back for the bottle. she took a large swing relieved that they were gone. Damn it Malfoy why did you have to live with me? She thought to herself.

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

Something else was stirring though in the very back part of her mind. She was attracted to him, she could admit that because she knew it was true. It was amazing he'd taunt her and part of her would jump at the challenge. she had once confessed to Ginny that she thought that he was almost the ideal mate.

When Ginny had asked why almost she'd simply replied because he's untouchable. That was of course a long time ago.

Draco watched as she drank from the bootle. He knew what she was doing and suddenly got angry.

_And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave_

_Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made_

"what the hell are you doing?" He demanded storming into her room.

"Get out of my room, i already told you it's non of your concern." She yelled all of a sudden. she was angry, angry that he was in her room, that he was so damn persistant on knowing what was wrong but worse that he'd caught her.

"No, what the hell are you doing and yes it is my bloody concern." He yelled back getting angrier. No not her. anyone else but please not her

_And like a baby boy I never was a man_

_Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand_

_And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"_

"Since when did the mighty Draco Malfoy give a damn about mudblood Hermione Granger?" she asked in a taunting voice. she was frightened of him, she'd been frightened of all men since, since them. No man could get near her without her fèeling like she would scream. Not even her own father.

"Granger, tell me what fuck is wrong." He said getting closer.

"Back off, get away from me and no i will not tell you what's wrong." She said stepping back.

He'd noticed it over the last few months. Harry and Ron had been careful to keep a safe distance whenever around her. always asking before they got too near but Draco didn't understand why and he was pretty sure if he aske them they'd tell him to sod off.

_Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be_

She was drinking again. He could tell it was something strong because she would make a face as it went down.

"Give me that." He siad grabbing the bottle from her. He tossed it on the ground and clear liquid spilled all over the floor. Hermione let out a growl of frustration but just walked over to her wardrobe and pulled out another bottle.

She was about to open it but Draco stopped her and spun her around throwing that bottle onto the ground too.

_and then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"_

"Let go of me you bastard, don't touch me." she screamed but it wasn't Draco she was screaing at it was someone else.

"No listen to me what is it. damn it granger tell me what the fuck it is." He demanded shaking her slightly and then finally right in front of his eyes the tears started falling. she was too drunk to control it anymore and he was being so damn persistant. she looked at him with big wet tears running down her face.

_Hate me today_

"I was raped, you stupid bastard. There are you happy now? i told you. I was bloody raped by three muggles. You love that don't you? My own people did it to me." she screamed beating into his chest.

He just stared at her in disbelief. Her eyes were closed and she put her head in her hands sobbing louder. Part of him was still in shock as he watched her, another part was raging but the part that succeeded them all was the part that pulled her close to him and just held her.

_Hate me tomorrow_

You had to understand what they'd gone through that summer to understand why they were here, together not face to face in a war but together finding some sort of comfort from the reality of the world and for the very first time Hermione let it out.

_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you_

All the pain, all the anger and all the loneliness she'd come to surround herself with. She'd said it, she'd never been able to before. Her parents had told her friends not her.

_Hate me in ways_

"I hate them, i hate them so much." She cried.

_Yeah ways hard to swallow_

"I hate them too." He whispered into her hair. Though she didn't hear him over her sobs

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you_

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Well that's the first chapter, tell me what you think and i'll post the next one. I hope you all liked it. 


	2. Save me from dying

"Hermione? Stweetheart don't forget to buy the bread." Her mother called out to her as she put the light jacket over herself. It was the summer and she'd recently got back from the burrows after ron's brother's wedding.

"Alright mum." She called back loudly. Her friends had asked her to stay the whole summer but she'd refused, saying that she needed to spend time with her parents too.

They hadn't been happy of course but understood. She'd drifted apart from her family lately and felt it was nessisary to bond again.

Just because she was a witch didn't mean she wasn't human. She walked out the door closing it gently. She had thought about apparating but shook her head, no it wasn't proper and besides she'd promised her mum and dad to keep the magic to a minumim outside of the house.

She knew they didn't reproch her magic, on the contrary they were very proud of it but they knew how some of the neigbourse were. They'd talk and judge her over nothing.

She'd even left her wand in her room so she wouldn't be tempted. She walked slowly down the street in the late afternoon heat thinking of someone she knew she shouldn't be thinking about.

Draco Malfoy should have been the last thing she had on her mind but for some reason she couldn't stop. She wondered if he was alright, after what Harry had done to him in moaning Myrtill's bathroom well he was very lucky to be alive.

Unknown to her friends a few days after the inncident she'd went to the hospital wing to see madame pomfrey for a different reason.

She'd seen him laying on the hospital bed looking whiter than snow. He didn't have a shirt on and she could see the scars on his chest.

As an impulse she'd walked over to him, he hadn't even flinched at her as she stared at him.

"What is it Granger? Come to get revenge?" He said softly. It still hurt she could see it on his face.

"I'm sorry, you didn't deserve this." She whispered. She placed a hand on his arm and brushed it lightly.

"Why do you care?" He asked looking straight at her.

"You're a git Malfoy but you're still human, i don't believe in this." she said with a sad smile. She rubbed his arm again and then turned and walked towards Madame Pomfrey's office.

She'd been so distracted by her thoughts that she didn't hear the footsteps coming up behind her, she didn't feel their pressence as they moved in close and she didn't even have time to breath as she was pushed into a dark deserted ally.

"Don't move or make a sound or we'll slit your throat do you understand?" A silky voice said as two pairs of hands pulled her into a dark abandoned building.

"Do as we say and you'll live, so just relax." The voice said the other twoo laughed. She flet rope aroudn her wrists and it hurt. The sensation was brutal because they'd tied it so tight the blood was having trouble circulating . Her fingers were already getting numb.

she was so frightened and cursed herself for being so stupid, she should have brought her wand. She should have listened to herself. Oh merlin please don't let them hurt me. She thought.

She looked at her attackers. There was three of them, a tall guy with dark skin and brown eyes who was at the moment busy taking off her shirt with a knife. A shorter guy with brown hair and blue eyes who looked like he'd been in the sun too long, he was getting her skirt off.

The leader was tall and built, he looked as if he could break her in half. He had black hair with intense brown eyes that looked hungryily at her. He was rubbing his hands against her bra.

Hermione started to panic. She wanted to scream but the guy with the knife would run the blade roughly on her skin every time she flinched.

It was a very sharp blade because her skin had already ripped. The leader took his jacket off and ordered the other two to lay her down. He pulled the rest of her clothes off staring at her with anticipation. she kept shaking her head no over and over again trying in her mind to call for her wand.

If she could just have her wand she could stupify them and get away, save herself rom what she knew was going to happen.

"She's a virgin." He said to the other's who smiled. "I cn smell it on her. watch the way she jumps, she's never been touched."

"Please no." She begged but they ignored her. she kept wriggling trying to get away but stopped when one of the men grabbed her hair and pulled her downtill she was still.

The leader was on her now, she could feel his bare skin on her legs and she closed her eyes, she felt a burning stinging sensation on her face and opened them as he removed his hand from her cheek

"Don't you dare close your eyes, you better never close your eyes." He said in a harsh tone.

she kept them open and she shook with tears as he opened her legs wide. "PLease, no."

"Shut up." te other guy said putting the knife to her throat but the leader todl him to let her beg.

"You can scream if you want." He whispered in her ear in a seductive yet cruel mannor.

She didn't though, she cried as he forced himself on her. Her innocnece taken with one swift movement. She felt like someone had jabbed a thousand knives inside of her and she cried harder.

The whole time she cried staring at the man who was raping her, his face burning it's way into her mind. His eyes, beautiful brown eyes that were filled with lust and hate. Eyes that would haunt her because she would hate them.

He moaned enjoying her pain taking away everything that belonged to her. Virginity, trust, passion, love and worst of all he was taking away her choice.

He seemed to have been on her forever, she didn't know what time it was and didn't care. She was bawling after he was done and she was hurting. The other two men were pulling and tugging on her body feeling her.

"Didn't even need to get her wet." He said with a grin. He pulled the comdom off his body and threw it to the ground. He leaned in close to her and laughed.

She wished it was over, wished she could go somewhere else. Anywhere away from here. She tried to think of someone who could save her, her parents. No her friends no and then she thought of him and for a moment she felt peace.

She knew he wasn't htere, she knew he couldn't help her but she whispered in a plea anyway. "Please help me. Please Draco help me."

Why him she didn't know. She just knew of all the people in the world he could protect her.

"Calling to your boyfriend?" the leader said. "Well i should let him know how good you were shouldn't i?"

He grabbed the knife from his companion who was already getting undressed. No please not again. She pleaded in her mind.

This time she did scream. Her tender skin was bruised already and this guy was vicious. He didn't care to hurt her, actually he was enjoying it. the more pain he caused her the more excited he became and as he did it the leader was causing her to scream louder. He was carving lines into her skin with the knife.

It was leaving marks of blood all over her body and she just begged. Her mind screaming for Draco to help her, please anyone please find me.

she was so badly bruised by the end of it she couldn't move, big black marks were forming around her body and the blood was still dripping down sowly. Like red drops of tears.

Her face was bruised too, her bottom lip was split after the black guy punched her for trying to bite him. Her eye was swollen too and the leader was finished carming whatever he'd been carving into her breast.

she knew what was going to happen and she just couldn't fight anymore. she didn't scream she didn't cry se just lay there as the last of them had his way with her. She felt light headed and started to fall unconcious which she finally did and she didn't ever want to wake up again. As her mind started to slip she uttered one last word. Draco.

she awoke and felt she wasn't naked anymore. She was wearing a hospital gown she knew that much. She didn't feel any pain anywhere, just felt numb. She opened her eyes and realized hse could only open one. the other was patched wiht gauze and surgical tape.

She tried to talk but couldn't get the words out, a gentle voice spoke to her quietly. A voice she recognized.

" Hermione can you hear me?"

"Mum?" she choked out and tears started falling down her face. Her mum's arms wrapped around her and they were both crying.

"Don't cry sweetheart, i'm so sorry. I should have never sent you out alone." Her mother sobbed. Hermione couldn't speak the tears bring in the back of her throat.

"Mum i can't feel anything." she whispered with tears. "Mum they... they..."

"No darling, not now. Please just try to calm down." Her mother pleaded.

"I can't." she cried out. Her mother held her again not caring about he monitors. A nurse came in to see what was going on and she called for the doctor.

she didn't take long to get there and she tried to calm her down as best she could. She explained who she was and removed the patch. She was still swollen but she could see out of it.

It took two hours for Hermione to be stable enough to even speak properly. Her mother made her eat after they took the IV out of her arm. Her father was nowhere to be seen and Hermione finally asked in a quiet voice. "Where's dad?"

"He's at the police station. He refuses to leave untill they find whoever..." Her mother dabbed at her eyes. "Whoever hurt you."

A detective came in twenty minutes later and Hermione knew what she'd have to do. She'd have to recall everything that happened. She couldn't look the man in the face as he came in but she knew deep down she had to do it.

"I know it's hard but i need you to tell me what happened, how many were there and what they looked lie."

"three." She said quietly. "There was three of them, i can still see them in my mind and i can't get them out. I can't get their voices out." She said putting ehr hands over her eyes.

"I know it hurts." The detective tried to say soothinly.

"You don't know anything." she said angrily.

"Hermione, he's tryig to help." Her mother said softly. Hermione nodded her head.

"I'm sorry." She said and proceeded to tell him everything, every smell every painful feeling and then she remembered the leader marking her breast.

She tried to say it all quickly, as if it would stop her from remembering but it didn't help. Every sound, image was burnt into her brain like all of her books.

It took her a while to get all the facts clear and then she asked, she knew she had to know. What happened after she'd fallen unconcious. How had they found her.

"I called the police after you weren't back, i was so worried and me and your dad went to look for you ourselves. I thought maybe something had happened that we couldn't understand but not this oh darling when they found you." Her mum started crying again.

The detective had left after getting all her information and promised that they were going to do everything they could to find the bastards.

"Where did they find me?" she asked mumbly. She needed to know. even though it hurt she had to understand.

"By a dumpster, you were covered with a big peice of plastic and your clothes were missing, a homless man found you and had someone call the police. they called us the minute they identified you. I just couldn't breath when i saw you. I couldn't breath and i just wanted to die. Oh my baby."

She hugged her mother tightly trying to feel her comfort but it didn't help.

She found it hard to sleep for the next few days. They wouldn't let her leave until she was completely healed. They'd ripped her to shreds and the docters were worried because it was so damaged she may not be able to have children.

She didn't care, she didn't want children anymore. She didn't want a husband and family she just wanted to die.

The day before she left the hospital she got an unexpected visit. She was trying to eat breakfast when a knock came to her door.

She was suprised to see three familiar faces. "Harry, Ron, Ginny what are you doing here?"

"Oh hermione!" Ginny cried and hugged her best friend tightly. Hermioen hugged her back jsut as hard comforted by her frineds presence.

"I'm alright Ginny, i'm here." She whispered but she wasn't alright because whe Ron went to touch her hand she flinched. "I'm sorry."

"No i understand, are you really alright Mione?" Harry said before Ron could say a word. ron had been so angry at whoever had done this to her but he hadn't expected her to flinch like that.

"No." she said wiht a hint of fear in her voice. "I'm not, i can't feel anything and i really don't want to and i keep thinking that they'll come through the door."

She started crying all over again and ginny held her. Harry made Ron back away, he was muggle raised and he understood one thing. she was afraid of them. Afraid of men now. He'd seen enough of it on the telly.

"Do you want to stay with us?" ginny asked after they'd cried. Hermione shook her head.

"I just want to go home." She whispered. "I'm sorry i know it's stupid but i just don't want any company for the rest of the holidays."

'We understand." Ron said reluctantly. Of course he wanted her to stay so he could take care of her but Hermione would have non of it.

They stayed as long as they were allowed to. she felt a little better around them but the burning in her body didn't go away. she'd been told not to worry about getting pregnant beause there was no traces of semen. Just to come in regularly for check ups. When she'd explained she went to boarding school they made a five page letter to the school nurse to follow.

Hermione knew she could take care of most of this at home. She knew enough spells to get rid of most of the markings and bruises.

As she got ready to leave that morning she finally looked down at her breast. It would be the first thing to go. The detective had pictures taken because he was convinced it was a gang symbol but Hermione knew what it was. It was a branding. It was a dragon.

She remembered what he'd said to her before marking it. Was she calling out her boyfriends name? He would need to tell him how good she was?

Draco's name was dragon, could he be a wizard? Could the leader of the men who raped her be from her world. she thought of it for a while as she got clothes on but realized something. the guy had a tattoo of a dragon just like this on her breast.

Oh merlin he'd branded her. He'd marked her with the knife so that any man who had her would know that the dragon took her innocence.

She started crying again, the thought of any one else touching her disgusted her but worst off. Who would want her? Who would ever want to be with her, they'd look and see her broken and dirty.

She ran into the bathroom and started to puke.

Well that's chapter two. I figured i'd give a back ground on what happened, it's not the best i don't think but i'm getting there. If you have any questions let me know.


	3. Wash away the pain

I'm gonna say this cause actually kind of ticked me off actually. I saw how many people have actually read so far and well kind of hurt that only got two reviews. So from now on please review and i will continue to write because honestly two is not gonna cut it. 

Other than that i hope everyone is liking it so far. Again please tell me or i'll just quit.

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"Why didn't you save me?" She screamed into his chest pounding with her hands. "Why didn't you help me?"

She was so drunk she didn't realize what she was telling him so he just listened on the verge of breaking down. He hadn't wanted to understand why one moment of kindness caused him so much trouble.

He understood now though, he'd fallen for her. He'd fallen hard too and he didn't care. He'd nearly died that day and she was the only person who'd given him a sincere answer. she didn't want him to die and she'd been glad he'd survived.

He didn't deserve that light brush of her hand.

She didn't deserve this.

"I called for you, why? why didn't you come for me? You could have saved me. I wanted to be yours." She was screaming it now. He was shocked at what she was saying. she was pouring her broken heart out to him. Admitting her deepest secrets and she was angry.

"I hate you, i swear i hate you."

"I know, it's ok hate me." He whispered trembling. He'd never cried over a girl he liked before the only woman he'd ever cried over was his mother but he was close to crying for Hermione. She was drunk and in pain and she was asking why he didn't save her?

"No, no, no i hate you, i hate you so much you bastard why couldn't you let me in sooner? Why couldn't you just get over your racist idiotic ways and just fall in love with me. You could've had me. You would have always had me you asshole. I hate you."

"Hate me please." He begged. The ice cold tears started falling down his angelic face. She kept pounding at his chest furiously. Her anger and her pain were intoxicating torture because it hurt him and thrilled him at the same time. She loved him and that put him on a high but the same thing killed him because she was right why hadn't he let go sooner?

"I'm an idiot ok. I love you." He said running his hands through her hair. "I really do i'm just a prat with no sense."

"You should have saved me." She sobbed. She stopped pounding at his chest and fell to the ground he fell right with her. All his pride, self righteousness and arrogance went out the window. He wasn't lying. In the back of his mind he'd always been envious of her. He'd always wanted to have what she had and being a Malfoy he wanted her, he'd just been so daft back then so young and stupid that he'd confused the signals.

He'd listened to his idiot father about muggles so much that when a witch yes a witch with the potential to be the best was in front of him he blinded himself to her.

"I'm sorry." He sobbed into her hair, it was a masculine sob with all his pain all his anger and rage.

"I want to die Draco." She whispered. "I just want to die, no one will ever want me and no you don't love me."

He looked at her grabbing her shoulders. "I do love you, i want you. I've always wanted you. You're beautiful and smart and courageous and witty, sensual and the most amazing woman in this whole god damn world i want the best, you are the best. You're the woman i want to be with, have children with. Can't you just accept that i'm a sodding moron. I should have saved you yes i should have killed them. Ripped them into shreds and tortured them to the point that even voldermort would say enough but i didn't and i'm sorry. I'm so sorry that i couldn't save you. You can't die because i need you. You challenge me and you push me you always have just by being you and i can't be without you in this or any world."

She looked up at him her eyes hazed over from crying. "Then why did you hurt me?"

"Because i listened to my family and not to my heart. Because i'm fucking human Hermione and i make mistakes, a six year mistake. I looked at you for what you were not who you were."

"How can you even look at me i feel so dirty, i can't wipe them off me." She said leaning into his chest. She was still drunk but was sober enough to understand and listen but she was so very tired.

"I only see you." He said simply. "You're not dirty and i promise i'll get them and you won't ever have to be afraid again."

It suprised them both how easy it felt to just be there, to forget everything they'd ever said and done to each other but when your soul dies and you come back as half a person the past and all it's errors mean nothing. Especially when the person you care about pushes the brink.

She felt horrible all of a sudden her stomach was pushing the acohol out of her body, something she had become more than used to but thsi time it was worse.

"I'm going to be sick." She said and just about crawled to the bathroom with Draco following behind.

her hands found their way to the edge of the toilet seat and she let it out. She'd been throwing up ever since the hospital. No she was not pregnant she'd more than once checked but she knew why.

She'd started drinking a month after the incident. She'd gone into the mud room her father kept for company and took a bottle of burbon from the back. It hadn't even been opened she knew her parents didn't like it. It had been a gift and they'd just left it in the back of the liquor cabinete.

She'd locked herself in her room while her parents slept and had taken large gulps of it. It had been horrible at first but then the taste had become more tolerable.

She'd drank almost the whole bottle until she'd run into the bathroom throwing it all up.

Draco held her hair back as she threw up. He just stood there waiting for her to let it all out. His free hand soothing her back as he convulsed.

After she was done he grabbed a towel and wiped her mouth neither said anything for a moment but then he started unbuttoning her shirt she looked up at him confused and with a look of fear he noticed it.

"Trust me." He said and she nodded looking down he finished unbuttoning her shirt and pulled it off, there was no lust in his eyes there was love and concern though.

He looked down at the place Hermione hated the most. Her breast that was marked. It was still as clear as day. She couldn't understand why it wouldn't go away she'd tried everything magical to get rid of it.

"I'm marked." She whsiplered at it looking ashamed.

Draco shook his head. "No, you're not marked. I promise you."

"But." He started but he hushed her. He took off her bra slowly and touched the mark lovingly. If you looked past what it represented it was beautiful. It was detailed and he imagined how much it would have hurt her. Dragon damn it why had it been a dragon.

He finished undressing her and she stood there naked in front of him but she wouldn't look him in the eyes. He tilted her head up and pressed his lips against hers softly. she welcomed the gentle touch and felt him take his own clothes off. She didn't understand what he was doing and he knew it.

He wasn't going to explain though he was just going to do.

He stood in front of her now his chest marked like hers. The memory of what her own friend had done to him bubbled up in her mind and she felt a feeling of reasurance in her mind. He understood some of her pain.

He turned the water on in theri bathroom and sat ont he edge of the tub. He pulled her close touching her skin gently. There was no sexual vibe coming from him. she flet reasured and safe without him saying a word, he just wanted to feel her not what she could offer.

Whent he water was ready he urged her to get in, again she was confused but when he got behind her she just went with it. She was a little self concious as she slowly sobered up.

why would he want to be near her let alone naked in a tub with her after what he knew.

He grabbed the soap and her wash cloth and started lathering her down. He was gentle and took note of every scar. for the first time since the horrible moment in her life she started to feel the dirt wash away.

She laid back against his chest and he continued to wash her, they didn't speak and not once did either try to make a move on each other. That wasn't what thsi was about, thsi was about errasing the past letting it go in a way that it could never come back to haunt them.

they sat there for ever jsut enjoying the warmth they felt. He had so much he wanted to say to her but he didn't, this wasn't tihe time. She suddenly looked down at his forearm and noticed the thing that should have scared him.

"did it hurt?" she asked calmly.

"What do you mean?"

"When he marked you did it hurt you?"

"Yes." He said simply, she rached for his arm and traced the dark mark with her finger. She looked down at her own mark and then turned to look at him.

"Mine too." She whispered. "Now we're both marked by someone we hate."

He wanted to tell her again that she wasn't marked but he realized that she was right. He hated Voldermort for so many different reasons. She hated him for what he'd done to her,

She hated the man who raped her for taking away her choice. He'd taken away her right to be with someone, the man she wanted to be with. Him.

"Yeah he said quietly. He held her close feeling her smooth skin against his chest. It was a moment they'd both wanted but hadn't thought was ever possible. Draco had just thought he'd leave and never see her again, never get a chance with her and end up marrying some pure blood woman, have children and serve the dark load until the day he died.

Just like his father and grandfather had before him.

Hermione had thought she'd end up married to Ron or someone like that, join the ministry and have children. She would have had to accept to never see Draco again or worse, kill him.

The warth started to escape the water along with the bubbles. Draco wrapped his arms around her waist and with one sleek movement lifted them both up.

She blushed slightly because now as she stood there sober and naked she took a good look at him.

He smirked at her. "She something you like?"

She blushed even harder and he started laughing grabbing a towel and covering himself up. He grabbed another fluffy towel and wrapped it around her kissing her gently on the lips.

'Merlin i love his kisses.' she thought.

He lead her into her bed room and gave her one last kiss before going to his own room. She sighed, she was sober now and all the emotions she'd let out in the last few hours had finally sunk in.

She walked around her room and got dressed, she didn't know if he was going to come back but she didn't have to wonder for long.

After she was finished she heard her door open slowly. He came in wearing a pair of boxer shorts and a button up shirt. His hair was slightly damp and hung loosley off his face.

They didn't say anything, there was no need to say a word. They both knew where they stood and they both knew that it would be ok from now on. The question was what now?

"I'm staying with you tonight." He said in a matter a fact voice. "Got a problem with that?"

She smiled at his Malfoy mannor and shook her head, he lead her over to the bed. It was very dark now an dher clock read 12:25

She was amazed at how easy it was to follow him. She wondered if this was the way all the girls felt around him.

He puled her close to him after they were in bed. "What will we tell everyone?"

She whispered. He shrugged his shoulders and kissed her forehead. "Why don't we just not say anything."

"Won't that be strange though?"

"I don't think it's a good idea for us to publicly be affectionete. He looked down at his forearm. " I don't want anything to happen to you because of me."

She thought about it, He was right, they both had things in theri way. She nodded her head and suddenly felt very tired.

"Will you be here when i wake up?" She whispered.

"I promise." He said closing his eyes.

* * *

A/N I hope you like it. This was an emotional one to write.

Anyway please review please. I would really appreciate it.


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